AMAZO

Reading

2009-02-19T12:59:00.002-05:00

[Psychology researchers at Berkeley] videotaped 100 undergraduate students who didn't know each other, and studied their body language during one-minute gaps in conversation.

The results were clear: Students from a higher socio- economic background were more likely to be rude during the silence. They would doodle, fidget or start grooming themselves. Less-privileged students made far more effort to engage with the other person, making "I'm interested" signals such as laughing or raising eyebrows.

In short, the richer people were a lot ruder, while the poor were a lot more polite.

No comment.

Ok, one comment: I don't think it has anything to do with politeness. In my experience, many wealthy people simply don't take interest in or have any awareness of the world around them outside of a very small circle, which in many cases is limited to just themselves. Which, actually, come to think of it, is kind of impolite, I guess. In a way.

If the Sun isn't up, Why in God's Name Do You Expect Me to be?

2009-02-11T17:25:00.001-05:00

My car to the airport will pick me up at home at 5 a.m. The thought makes me want to die. And take as many people down with me as I can.

Waiting for My Meeting

2009-02-03T15:08:00.000-05:00

down down baby
down by the roller coaster
sweet sweet baby
I'll never let you go
shimmy shimmy cocoa pop
shimmy shimmy pow
shimmy shimmy cocoa pop
shimmy shimmy pow
grandma grandma sick in bed
she called the doctor and the doctor said:
let's get the rhythm of the head DING DONG
let's get the rhythm of the head DING DONG
let's get the rhythm of the hands CLAP CLAP
let's get the rhythm of the hands CLAP CLAP
let's get the rhythm of the feet STOMP STOMP
let's get the rhythm of the feet STOMP STOMP
let's get the rhythm of the (pause) HOT DOG,
let's get the rhythm of the (pause) HOT DOG
put it all together and what do you get?
DING DONG CLAP CLAP STOMP STOMP HOT DOG

Real Life Conversation with My Boss on the Telephone

2009-01-16T15:16:00.002-05:00

Context: we are talking about me being needed to staff a conference right after I return from my friend Barack Obama's inauguration in DC.

Him: "Be sure you are safe and come back from DC."
Me: "I'll be back, but i might not have my voice."
Him: "I dont need your voice. I just need your body. Be sure to come back, I need you; I need your body."
Me: "Um."
Him: "Oh Jesus."

Watching

2009-01-15T14:54:00.000-05:00

How to Charm Me

2009-01-14T17:20:00.004-05:00

Bring me cupcakes.

How to Charm Me

2009-01-14T17:19:00.004-05:00

Hold my hand as we walk down the street even though it is freezing and I have gloves and you do not.

How to Charm Me

2009-01-14T17:05:00.005-05:00

Go complexly out of your way to come by my office to bring me two dozen cream-colored long-stem roses.

Watching

2009-01-13T14:42:00.001-05:00

2008 Timeline

2009-01-08T09:15:00.004-05:00

January
January is kind of vague. It is cold. I live in Spanish Harlem, and I sleep on an air mattress. Daniel didn't want to be my Valentine. I fall in love with Barack Obama, and I almost buy a Yorkie puppy in Brooklyn, but back out because puppy mills = evil. Someone falls off the building across the street from work, and I see Juno and love it.

February
I meet and start dating and fall for Beebs, who is very handsome and sweet, and also not right for me at all. He is my Valentine. I have my golden birthday, and he sends me golden flowers, and we have a party at my house and then go out. Vlada, the Holy Temple of Drama, gives away his coat. I start tagging AMAZO posts, but to this day only have a few months finished. I also promise to repair and fix the links bar. Which I also have not done. An estranged cousin comes to visit, and we bond over a mutual distaste for our shared grandmother.

March
I talk about one of my favorite recurring dreams. A scary Russian man bleeds all over me on the subway after a fight, and I vow to stop going to Queens. I begin to hate my job.

April
Nothing happens in April except for huge ridiculously dramatic breakup with Beebs involving Daniel and there is much wringing of hands and pulling of hair.

May
At work, we discover that if you push E1 on the vending machines, you get E1 (peanut M&M's) and E0 (Tropical Starburst). Marcia becomes my BFF for sharing this delicious and fattening secret, which becomes the only reason I still like to come to work. Food prices in New York start to rise noticably, and while I receive my stimulus check and use it to pay for things I have already bought, I am still doing very well with my small brokerage account. I get hit on by a string of teenagers. Uma Thurman shoots a movie outside my office. After a year in Guatemala, and another year without a dental exam, I discover that I have 500% of the cavities that I thought I had, and have to get them filled.

June
I start a new job of sorts at work, and like it much more. I have a panic attack. Kelly and I make fun of a guy in the Natural History Museum who looks like he stepped out of a J. Crew catalog and keeps striking model poses as he clearly waits for someone who has stood him up. I start to severely dislike Hillary Clinton.

July
Kelly and I go to the beach in Maine, and I buy fresh saltwater taffy, God's gift to Creation. I go to a conference in Los Angeles and go to DisneyLand for the first time and have Mickey Mouse pancakes and eat them with Lilo. They shoot a movie in my new apartment and paint the walls sky blue, but we ask them to paint it back before they leave. Kelly helps me move in, and the elevator breaks in my old place, luckily after we had moved out the heavy stuff, but I unfortunately live on the sixth floor. I buy furniture at Ikea. My friend Barack Obama speaks in Berlin, and Sophia from the "Golden Girls" dies. I write a song.

August
I date a boy named Alex who has the largest male organ in North America. We do not have sex, but we do go see the Worst Movie of All Time, August Rush, when it is being screened in Central Park. We discuss how terrible/much fun it is to go to Vlada. I get a dog, who is the most awesome dog in the world and who likes to sit on my feet and sometimes knocks over the garbage just to see if he can. I receive one of my favorite emails ever. Facebook thinks I am Dutch.

September
I do my semi-annual STD test and am free and clear. I rename my dog "His Excellency Tobias Aurelius," as it better suits him. I buy a monster television because I can and feel like it. I miss being in love. We throw a huge party for first presidential debate with maybe 40-50 people and have a drinking game the result of which is that everybody is drunk by the time the third question is over.

October
Nothing happens in October. October is a pointless month.

November
My friend Barack Obama wins the presidency, and I win $3 in the lottery. The economy is now officially in shambles. Marcia and I go to the opera and she yells "BACON" at some old lady wearing a quarter million in diamonds. I am hired for a new position.

December
I meet Friendman, get lots of surprise gifts, and decide I love Christmastime in New York, though Christmas Day has officially lost its magic for me. Friendman and I exchange frillions of emails and calls while I am on vacation, and I miss him almost as much as I miss New York, which is finally feeling like home.

Una Fiesta en Mis Pantalones

2009-01-05T14:42:00.012-05:00

Rumors of my death via horrible mutilation by wild ostriches were terribly premature, as I am in fact alive and currently living in an ostrich-free area and would anyway probably notice the pack of ostriches ("flock," if you will).

ANYWAY. Just for fun, let's do a massive post today that would normally be broken down into many smaller, bite-sized posts with appropriate and clever titles. Omnibus blog posts are totally in for 2009.

Oh hell, I have to have subtitles then, damn.

Subtitle One
Beef: It's What's for Dinner.

I have a new boyfriend; his last name is Friedman but whenever I type "Friedman" is comes out "Friendman," and thus a nickname is born. Anyway so far the only bad thing about Friendman is that he doesn't come in pocket-size and cannot be taken around and brought out when I am bored and/or need some lovin'.

I hesitate to post pictures here because of the 80% chance you will try and steal him from me.

Oh ok, here's one:

Here's one of him being inappropriate(ly cute).

I wish I had a picture of him shirtless because he has at least a dozen abs and they make me dizzy just looking at them.

Best exchange so far:
Me: So you're not breaking up with me tomorrow, right?
Him: No, I'm not retarded.

Subtitle Two
Asians Can't Hold Their Liquor
Unless They Are Simultaneously Jewish. Apparently.

Onye was in Nashville this year for reasons beyond comprehension, and lots of pictures are up on Facebook, and I will link to anyone who has them up on Flickr. Adina?

Anyway, Asian Mike and Charley were hosting, but deluded themselves into thinking they could shoot Jager and then make it to midnight. After Asian Mike passed out about 10:30, the DJ finally stopped playing girly crap and put on some Daft Punk and we all watched Dick Clark slur through his talk. (Seriously, they just freeze him every year and then thaw him out in time for his Rockin' Eve.) (Dick, maybe it's time to just retire.) (Unless Ryan Seacreast is your replacement.*)

Interesting fact about Nashville, though: they have a life-size recreation of the Parthenon made of brown gravelly concrete and inside is a giant statue of Athena, clothed in pressed gold, with sword and shield, looking for all the world like a very unconvincing transvestite. I mean, wow. Basically they charge you five dollars to feel very uncomfortable.

Ummmm. Right, so kind of low on the awesome factor, but I was very happy to see everyone, and hopefully next year (Seattle? New York? Boston Redux?) we will all make it to midnight and not pass out like little girls who had too much of daddy's candy water. Seriously, Adina made it and also made friends with half the bar and got one poor waitresses life story, too.

Subtitle Three
Christmas, or
Why I Never Talk to the Males in My Family

Because they are douchebags. Also I got a Wii.

Subtitle Four
No Rest for the Weary

January usually is pretty tame, since I don't particularly like going out in the cold and the wet, but this year it is shaping up to be chockablock full of hearty granola. Or something that makes sense, I DON'T KNOW I AM VERY BUSY.

We picked up ski clothes at Friendman's parents place in Connecticut and are going skiing with Justin and some of his old friends to the Poconos for the weekend, to which I am really looking forward, since I haven't been in I think two years, maybe three. I remember how much I sucked starting out though, so hopefully I will have retained at least some muscle memory.

Friendman and I went non-ice skating on the non-ice rink at the Natural History Museum last weekend too. Have you heard about this? You are skating on plastic. No, seriously. There is no ice, no zamboni, nothing. It's plastic. That you skate on. It was fun for about15 minutes and then I wanted to die. This is what global warming has in store for us: no polar bears and also skating on plastic.

Also this month is the inauguration of my friend Barack Obama, who will get his presidency on in a few weeks. I've booked a room in Alexandria, and while Kelly is unable to join because of work, it looks like Friendman will be able. Also since when does a Day's Inn a mile from the Metro in Alexandria, Virginia cost that much per night? My friend Barack Obama would not approve of such opportunism.

Right after I get back on Wednesday, I leave for a conference in Denver, where I am launching a new program and presenting to a bunch of people, so all of that prep work needs to be complete before I leave for DC. I'm excited though: JenFoy is out there and I don't think I've seen her for a few years now.

Subtitle Five
Things Myriad and Sundry

When we went to dinner at Chick-fil-A, Donny left his car door open the entire time we were inside. The door of the rental car that was packed with our things, among them my work laptop. Luckily we were in The South, and everyone was friendly and did not jack our shit, which would have sucked to high hell and holy heaven.
You know what is awesome? Graham cracker crumbled up and then covered in chocolate.
I still cannot smell tequila without retching. Thank you TC's birthday party circa 2003.
Due to seasonal depression, the tanning cycle has begun for the winter, and hot damn does it work like a charm.
Toby lost about ten pounds in hair while I was away. He's shedding his winter coat, and it is everywhere. Like seriously, I could make five or twelve new Tobys from the hair. I mean he leaves trails of fur on the ground. Swiffering and vacuuming is a daily activity, and I am thanking God that he knows to stay off the sofa. He looks like a puppy now. A puppy with a crew cut.
Two more guaranteed posts this week: 2008 Timeline and 2009 Resolutions. Feel free to leave suggestions!

______________________________
* Somebody needs to take that chick out.

Bizzarro World

2008-12-16T13:15:00.002-05:00

Yesterday in New York it was 63 degrees.

Right now it is snowing, and the snowflakes are on steroids. I mean, they are humongo snowflakes. I have never seen such snowflakes.

Again, yesterday: 63 degrees. Today: snowflakes the size of small volkeswagons.

How to Charm Me

2008-12-10T13:46:00.003-05:00

Send me a completely unexpected Christmas gift.
Include random taffy in the box.
And then send a follow-up email to ask if I were, indeed, charmed.

Watching

2008-12-04T10:55:00.001-05:00

Little Girl and Boy Land

2008-11-18T13:24:00.005-05:00

My workplace has helpfully given me a fancy new BlackBerry Curve, and here is a giant picture of it that I am stealing from someone else's website:

It could steal your IRA and impregnate your daughter.

Merry Christmas, Your Money is on Fire

2008-11-11T13:00:00.009-05:00

I have stopped talking to every one of my friends who worked in the finance industry here in New York because every time his mouth opens (sorry, they are all boys), it is invariably to talk about just how bad the financial crisis is and how we have not seen the worst of it yet. I say that they "worked" in finance because now they are all "laid off." Which is amusing to me in a way that makes me feel guilty about it afterwards.*

So basically the economy is like a drunk cow trying to go up the down escalator in roller skates, and it's starting to hit New York, which is already a very expensive place to live and was made worse by the oil prices over the last few months. You see, there are a lot of people here and the only things actually produced by those people are bad mortgages and fake money and smugness and really good pizza, so everything is imported, mostly on trucks and trains and boats that all run on diesel. And while gas prices have been receding somewhat, it is much easier for a shop to raise prices than it is to lower them, which is why a half-gallon of milk and a loaf of bread cost me nine dollars yesterday.

I haven't talked about the whole financial crisis impact here (not that I've said much here lately in general), but you guys, I am so not kidding when I tell you that people are still freaking the hell out about it. It's been lost for a couple news cycles, but I am telling you now, you need to prepare for this one. I'm not saying "Great Depression" or anything, but "depression" is a pretty accurate description of what we are likely to experience in the economy for a bit.

A few weeks ago there was a big deal about the $700 billion bail-out package thing wherein we give lots of money to people who have explicitly proven that they do not understand the value of said money. I mean, I think Merril Lynch actually asked for "eleventy bajillion dollars" to meet their payroll requirements, and AIG thought that decimal places were optional. However, and I can't believe I am saying this, but this bailout was a good idea, and I am glad it passed. Granted, it is not a great idea, and we are probably going to lose a lot of money with this plan, and it will definitely not solve the problem. But. If you throw $700 billion dollars at something, it is going to do something. You can't throw $700 billion at a problem and not see some kind of effect. Ok, so maybe in Iraq it made things worse, but let's not nitpick.

Anyway, I'm writing now because the Christmas shopping season is starting, and I personally find it very hard to stick to a budget around this time of year because while I don't buy myself a whole lot of things in general, I love buying awesome presents for people. I love being that guy who buys awesome presents. And that is a time investment as well as a strain on personal finances sometimes. (Although it does help this year that I don't have a boyfriend to shower with love wrapped in boxes.) (Sadface.)

So I am encouraging all of you to do a budget for the end of the year, make lists before you go shopping, and keep track of everything. I'm going to try and do the same, and while, yes, reigning in spending is actually going to shrink the economy in the short run, it has been bloated for so long on debt that maybe it can stand to lose a few, m'kay?

______________________
* But that doesn't stop me from doing a lot of things, so finding something amusing seems very minor.

Oh, the World in which We Live

2008-11-05T10:59:00.016-05:00

This morning, I found a 1951 quarter in my pocket, a quarter that is 90% silver and is worth about $1.50 in terms of silver content and about eight bucks in mint condition. Sweet.

Not that you care, but...
So a lot has happened since we last spoke, and it seems like the more that happens, the harder it is to write to you because it gets so built up and things pile behind it and just builds enormous pressure, and wow, I am now describing my life as if it were a constipated bowel tract, awesome.

I am a WARM AND LOVING PERSON, GODDAMMIT
Anyway, among those nuggets of awesomeness was a brief reconnection with Blair a few weeks ago. You remember Blair, right? Anyway, we had drinks, and it was very comfortable - at least for me - and I met him the next Sunday for a leisurely afternoon in Central Park. We sort-of crashed a weird wedding with some kind of symbolic mirror in the gazebo near the south end of the park around 6th Avenue and had lunch and I generally enjoyed myself, but I learned a few days later that I made him feel awkward and that I was "cold and listless." Which was news to me. So now we're not speaking again because now I'm being cold and listless for real. Except when I just googled him, our wedding registry came up in the results - the fake one we did for fun on like our second date at Crate & Barrel (shut up, it's fun to fake buy things) - and it was so funny, I had to email him about it.

Let it ride
Also recently I went to Las Vegas and was up $300 at the roulette table before I ended down $120. But it was a work trip (a successful work trip), so I didn't pay for the airfare, hotel, or other expenses, so honestly I'm ok with spending $120 to have some fun in Vegas. I stayed at the Hard Rock, which is not on the Strip, but was close to my meeting sites, and the room was dirt cheap and amazing. It was definitely the largest I've been in that was not a suite and came complete with a huge flat screen and other pluses, like cute, flirty room-service delivery boys.

A colleague and I later dined at Nobu, where I had some kind of Magical Mystery Drink, and I am furious for forgetting what it was. It was like being kicked in the face with a velvet foot, and I want to make it all the time now.

Singing fat ladies!
Tomorrow, Marcia and I are getting all dolled up and going to the Met's performance of "La Traviata," the Verdi opera based on an Alexandar Dumas (fils) book, actually. Dumas (fils) was the illegitimate son of the more familiar Alexander Dumas, author of The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers and such. They were both fat. But not ladies. Anyway, "la traviata" literally translates to "the woman who strayed," but I'm hoping they stylistically call Violetta "hussy" on the translation screen, just once.

Anyway, we splurged a bit on tickets, and I believe we are sitting in a box in the dress circle, where we will have a champagne aperitif and pretend to be a Hot, Rich, and Important Couple.

Fuck you, Comcast
Our cable box blew up a few weeks ago, and so my meager amount of television viewing has moved to the computer, which is just as good and has fewer commercials. Sucks that Manuelo is sitting there being used for nothing but an occasional movie, but what can I say? Old media is dead. And Comcast is taking its sweet-ass time fixing it.

It's fun to be a tease
I'm still going on too many dates, but it's hard to stop making them. I enjoy the attention. I'm cutting down though to a maximum of three a week, so I count that as a win. That's only three boys, not only three dates. I'm not a hermit. The gym is seriously paying off in spades too. Justin helped me put together a little regimen, and now I have abs! And lines in places! It's very exciting.

Speaking of Justin
If it is wrong to think poorly of a friend's boyfriend because his Facebook status is never formed into a proper sentence, then I do not want to be right. It is a blight on my homepage, I say, a blight up with which I shall not put! I don't care how good he is in bed, Justin: proper grammar is the parent of all good personality traits.

Oh and Obama won, score
And I did actually cry with strangers in the street in Harlem. And to celebrate tonight, I am going to see Oliver Stone's W and feel vindicated and smug about it.

Last thing
Thanks to all of you for wishing this particular blog a happy fourth birthday! It's not the first one I kept, but it's lasted the longest, and I'm still tagging the archives, so that may actually be done someday.

Oh, and also none of you actually wished my blog a happy birthday - again - so screw you all.

A Quote from The West Wing from Back in the Day

2008-11-04T13:19:00.000-05:00

What did liberals do that was so offensive to the Republican Party? I’ll tell you what they did. Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act.

What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things, every one. So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, ‘Liberal,’ as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won’t work, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor.

Vote

2008-11-04T11:02:00.001-05:00

Reading

2008-10-15T10:16:00.003-04:00

FACT! Barack Obama and sixties radical Bill Ayers were both associated with the Chicago Annenberg Challenge, a radical education foundation whose radical goal is to radically educate black children by educating them... while they are still black.

I Literally Started Crying at My Desk When I Read This

2008-10-09T09:22:00.001-04:00

Walker's house was constructed specifically to accommodate his massive library.

Watching: "Numbers, Ouch"

2008-10-06T12:15:00.002-04:00

It's old, and you've already seen it, but it still is hilarious.

I'm creative, 'cause I'm wearing bracelets.

Reading

2008-10-02T12:45:00.000-04:00

Palin's performance will set feminism back 200 years and give McCain two heart attacks.

I Feel Like I'm Taking Crazy Pills

2008-10-01T09:46:00.003-04:00

Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media. [ed: oh my god]

Couric: What, specifically?

Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years. [ed: OH MY GOD]

Couric: Can you name a few?

Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where it's kind of suggested, "Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?" Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America. [ed: OMFG]

Getting a Little Too Old for This

2008-09-29T11:38:00.008-04:00

So it's Monday and I feel like a truck hit me. Possibly one did: I am fuzzy on the details.

Friday night, we had a big debate party at my house with my new (and now paid-for) 42" monster television (that I have named Manuelo). Tom, Samantha, and Carolyn were in town, and we had maybe 25 or 30 more people crammed into the living room eating baked brie and cupcakes and some kind of nasty vegetarian food TJ made, yelling loudly at John McCain, who could not actually hear us. Because he is old.

Also, there were drinking games.

Aside from the beer and other liquor, Tom and Sam had brought a lovely bottle of Three Olives cherry vodka as a present, which when mixed with Sprite, tastes just like a Shirley Temple. Honestly, it was like eating candy, and then all of a sudden, shit, you just drank the bottle.

One had to drink when either candidate:

said "my friends"
said "oil"
said "Russia"
said "crisis"
said "change"
referenced POW status
referenced your home state

We also drank whenever we got thirsty or thought that the moment called for a drink.

We were all plastered.

Carolyn, who I have not seen since high school and who is now a lawyer in Alabama (Alabama!), was kind enough to FedEx me like five slabs of ribs, eight sausages and several servings of pulled pork from her favorite barbecue place, so that's basically what I've been eating since Saturday morning about 1 am. You cannot get good barbecue in New York; I don't care what that Dallas BBQ advertising says, so it was very thoughtful of her.

Saturday was kinda rainy, so Tom convinced me to buy seasons 1-3 of the show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," which is possibly the greatest thing ever put on television, and we watched that while eating ribs before going to Koreatown and singing karaoke with Adina and her husband, who were in town from Philadelphia to visit friends. I still have not completely recovered my voice.

I've never actually been to K-town, which is in the 30s around Broadway and Fifth. Literally, you cross the avenue, and then everything is Korean: the food, the signage, the people. I rarely see non-Koreans eating Korean food, and after having tried Korean food on a previous occasion, I can tell you why. Korean food is gross, the end.

Anyway, after being out in the rain and fog most of the weekend and staying up until 3 or so, I feel a little under the weather today, which is unfortunate because with my new haircut, I am looking pretty good.

Any thoughts on the debate?

Thou Shalt Not Mock

2008-09-24T14:31:00.004-04:00

One of the un-fun things about having a fun night out with friends is that they sometimes remind one that one relieved oneself on public property.

It is worse when the reminders are people with whom one works.

And don't give me that high-and-mighty look because it's not like you have never peed on a Central Park tree or the student activities building or the state capitol. These things happen. Let's be adults about it.

Boobs.

Thinking

2008-09-23T23:27:00.002-04:00

That I miss never having to wonder if someone loves me. It's a good feeling, to just wake up and know and not question. Like knowing that gravity will hold you down or that there is milk in the fridge. It's just there, and you don't have to think about it.

I miss not having to think about it.

Reading

2008-09-17T15:45:00.020-04:00

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

Updates!

2008-09-17T15:45:00.019-04:00

Hi Internet!

Oh, how I have missed you so. And there is just so much to talk about, too, so let's just hop to it:

Obligatory Toby Update

Hey, you try juggling a dog and a phone and see how that turns out.
Toby is doing very well, thank you. I've decided to keep him permanently and am awaiting the forms necessary to do so. I've bought him a new tag with his full name, which reads thus:

HIS EXCELLENCY
TOBIAS AURELIUS
917.XXX.XXXX
HE TAKES NAMES, SO WATCH IT
Toby seems to approve.

His Excellency wearing his blue lobster toy tiara. He's so regal and yet so sexy, like Prince Harry or Anderson Cooper.
He's still a very good dog, minus the week in which he was testing his boundaries and would not come when called. That's all patched up and while he is still sometimes willful and very crafty, first noticed when he literally tricked me out of half a pound of cheese*, he is also thrilled to see me when I walk in the door, follows me wherever I go, and sits on my feet when I'm at the computer.

He's always trying to be helpful. Such a good boy.
Briefly

I forgot and then remembered my password to Flickr, so we can start doing photos again, yay! I remembered about five minutes ago.
I'm now simultaneously casually dating four boys. Do not try this at home.
I went on one date with a guy who was kinda cute and really nice and we had a great time, except he held is fork and knife weird, and it completely ruined any chance he had. Is that elitist? I don't care: if you can't eat correctly, you don't get to advance. Sorry.

The Saga of the Television
So among the things my roommates and I didn't have when we moved into the apartment at the beginning of August were cable/internet and a television. It took about three weeks for the cable guy to come out and hook us up, but we still hadn't invested in a tv, probably because we are all poor and cheap. Once we had internet, it was less of an issue - I, for example, have a very nice computer screen and dvd player and and watch Hulu, which satisfies the grand majority of my tv-watching needs.

But we are paying for cable, so TJ and I decided to go in and get one together. I did some searching and found one online - on sale, from a reputable company - with free delivery. So I ordered and waited. And waited and waited. After two weeks, I emailed the company (there was no phone number that I could find) and received one back promptly saying they had trouble filling the order at the warehouse, but that it should ship within the week and not to worry. Which is a perfectly acceptable response.

Not five minutes after I have read the reply, I get a call from a UPS driver wanting to deliver "what looks like a big tv" to my house. OK. First of all, I still haven't been charged for the tv by the company. I have no shipping confirmation, no tracking numbers, nothing - and the company has just finished telling me that I might get it in 10 days or so.

So I go home, the guy redelivers what is clearly my television, and that's that. I'm not entirely sure what to say to the company now except "please don't send another one."

Anyway, it's big - 42 inches - and is great and so I watched the season premiere of "House" last night on my brand new gigantic flat-screen tv for which I have yet to be charged. Probably that will change, but fingers-crossed, it won't.

And More!
But right now, I can't remember most of it, so we will have to leave it for now. Better posts to come, promise!

_________________
* for real, my dog somehow stole half a pound of muenster out from under my nose and couldn't poop for 36 hours

Watching

2008-09-09T16:14:00.002-04:00

NB: If Pat Buchannan -of all people - says he will make Cheney look like Ghandi, we should probably give that some weight, kids.

Hooray, I Don't Have AIDS!

2008-09-02T16:05:00.003-04:00

I went for my Semi-Annual Social Disease Test last week, which is the one test everybody hopes to fail. I do hope all of you who are not married are being tested, even if you are using protection. And run the gamut of tests, not just for the HIV antibody.

Anyway, I am still clean and safe, and I hope you are too.

Reading

2008-09-02T10:24:00.001-04:00

Daughter Bristol is actually gay but Palin encouraged her to get pregnant in order to counteract vicious rumors.

List: Things About Which It is Uncool to Joke with Me

2008-08-28T10:46:00.002-04:00

availability of top-shelf vodka
sightings of Chase Crawford
domestic violence
whether or not a dish contains beans
going to DisneyWorld
pie (nom nom nom)

A Warning

2008-08-26T15:51:00.005-04:00

Saturday evening, Kelly, her boyfriend Colby, Alex, and I went to the Central Park screening of August Rush, that movie with Freddie Highmore and Felicity and Henry VIII in it. And this is my warning to you: be ye not so stupid.

This is the worst movie ever made in the history of cinema.

I know some of you are thinking, "Worse than Gigli? Worse than Glitter? Son of the Mask? Batman and Robin? The Neverending Story III?" Yes. Yes it is.

Just thinking about it makes my eyes bleed, so I will have to revisit this subject at a later time.

If Someone Asks If You are a God, You Say "YES"

2008-08-26T10:42:00.005-04:00

So there is this bar in Hell's Kitchen called Vlada. Vlada has some kind of voodoo magic cloud hanging over it because every time I go to Vlada, there is some kind of crazyass drama. TJ thought I was crazy until I got him to go recently to witness how despite my best efforts and with all possible bases covered, crazyass drama still manages to show up at Vlada.

Vlada is like Dana's apartment in Ghostbusters:

Ray: Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central.
Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!
Egon: It's not the *girl*, Peter, it's the *building*.

It's true. It is the most drink-spillingest, crotch-grabbiest, inappropriate-bathroom-activity-having bar that is not a place in Chelsea called Splash. A sampling of previous insanity:

The coat check guy gives away Blair's favorite coat, he pitches a hissy, I have to threaten the manager while Blair cries outside, but I only manage to get the guy to give us cab fair home.
Daniel, Blair, TJ, and I go dancing; afterword, Blair wanders off and we leave him; this contributes directly to us breaking up a week later. It doesn't help that Daniel later calls him drunk and says something along the lines of "sorry I stole your boyfriend back." Classy. And ultimately incorrect.
Model Justin, who I went on a few dates with ages ago, accosts me to let me know that Dr. Justin allegedly made out with his ex-boyfriend and broke them up. Dr. Justin pitches a hissy for me even speaking to "crazy and stupid" Model Justin. The story ends up being false, but that doesn't stop Model Justin from telling everyone in the bar about it. Oh, also, he is carrying a huge purse and now TJ refers to him as "Ms. Thing" or "homegirl."
Justin's friend Nick basically has his hands down my pants when I run into Alex, the tri-athlete-competing, cello-playing, swim-team member who I am sort-of seeing, who never goes to Vlada in the first place and with whom I had a date the next day. Awkward.
I hit on the bartender hardcore, but feeling bad for us after he explains that his boyfriend wouldn't like it if we made out, he gives us free shots. That's not really dramatic, I just like the bartender.
And just this last weeked, Vlada was the site of the first time I've seen Blair since I dumped him in April, whereupon seeing me, he spun around and glided away like some kind of heiress socialite who just saw her best frienemy. A series of text messages climaxed with his terribly mature one, "ur a loser." Which I replied to with the equally lame "whatever blair" because "you're" is "you are" and "ur" is a sound trolls make and idiots type.

And those are just a few of the things that happened to me personally, not even beginning with the random things that happen to the rest of the posse. It has gotten to the point now that when I get home, the first thing TJ asks (if he was not a witness) is "So what happened at Vlada?"

Egon: I'm worried, Ray. All my readings point to something big on the horizon.
Winston: What do you mean, big?
Egon: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.
Winston: That's a big Twinkie.

I'm just saying. If the universe were to split open, Vlada would be on the fault line.

Thinking

2008-08-21T14:34:00.003-04:00

Ok, I know this may sound crazy, but young John McCain circa Vietnam 1965 is kinda hot.

How to Charm Me

2008-08-21T10:48:00.002-04:00

Wear a suit and wink at me: boys in suits give me butterflies.

Reading

2008-08-19T11:38:00.000-04:00

I froze. This was not good. Not only was I not even aware that I was singing, but I was singing loudly enough that an 83 year old deaf woman could hear me through a closed door. I explained my behavior somehow and she went away. A minute later I realized I'd been singing "Sympathy For The Devil" very, very loud.

[via]

His Excellency Will See You Now

2008-08-18T12:54:00.005-04:00

Tobias Aurelius (you may call him Toby) (if he lets you) is now staying with me, and holy Jebus, he is the best dog ever. I have yet to hear him bark, beg, cry, howl, growl, or make any sound other than sneezing or breathing loudly, which is apparently how he expresses excitement. He also has a quiet little snore. I have photos up in Flickr and Facebook, but here's a few for you.

He follows me from room to room and then lies down next to me.

Getting all up in my business. His fur is super soft.

My bed is actually crazy comfortable; nobody ever wants to leave it.

After a long, long walk, he was so tired, I had to carry him the last couple of blocks like a baby. He didn't even squirm. We got home, and he napped on the rug like this like a dork.

I think he is happy with me.

Some Things

2008-08-14T10:00:00.004-04:00

Toby may be arriving as soon as Saturday! The visit went really well: the guy said it was the easiest one he's ever done.
Right now I am in a meeting being conducted via webinar from Germany and eating Target peaches-and-cream oatmeal. I am a multitasking god, except I am totally not paying attention to the meeting at all, so not really.
I jinxed Kyle but had probably the best sex ever with someone else on Tuesday, so I'm pretty much over Kyle now.
My boss who I never see is in town tomorrow morning, which means I will be working super hard today to make it look like I work super hard all the time. Which I do. Totally.
I ran out of bread for sandwiches yesterday but neglected to buy more, so today I have turkey, provolone, and bacon (yes, bacon) on two heels.
I usually save the heels to make toast with butter and honey.
If you have a very low bounce rate, it means the landing page something something something, said the lady in the meeting just now.
Lower is apparently better.
No idea what a bounce rate is.
Justin saved a life yesterday "hardcore." The bitch was hit by a car. And Justin held her heart in his hand "basically." Quote: "I don't know; it was daring... and required much finesse." Just so you know.

Introducing (Maybe) Toby

2008-08-13T14:31:00.009-04:00

Today a guy from a local animal rescue is coming to the apartment to interview me and the roommates to see if I should be able to adopt Toby.

Toby
Toby is four and trained and housebroken. He likes to do tricks and follow commands, but being a rescued dog, he is very shy around new people and dislikes loud, sudden noises. He's a shiba inu, and he's absolutely gorgeous. (He also matches my furniture, score.)

I feel a little weird getting a new dog all on my own, but I had one by myself for a long time without much trouble, and as my previous dogs have been kept by a previous life, it just feels right to find a new one. And I'm happy to have found one that is young but trained - housebreaking is not something I would look forward to again. Although Wikipedia says this:

The Shiba is a fastidious breed and feels the need to maintain themselves in a clean state. They can often be seen licking their paws and legs much like a cat. They generally go out of their way to keep their coats clean, and while walking will avoid stepping in puddles, mud and dirt. Because of their fastidious nature, the Shiba puppy is easy to housebreak and in many cases will housebreak themselves. Having their owner simply place them outside after meal times and naps is generally enough to teach the Shiba the appropriate method of toileting.

Just like me!

His Excellency Tobias Aurelius
Anyway, it would be nice to have a dog again: someone to be happy to see me everyday when I get home from work and who snuggles me every night. I haven't had that in years, really.

If the shelter likes us, I will be able to keep Toby two weeks to see if we fit well together. If so, I'll pay the adoption fee, and then I'll be a daddy!

Yay!

McDonald's Gave Me a Goddamn McGriddle Instead of a BEC Biscuit, and It is a TRAGEDY*; Cue Chorus

2008-08-13T11:19:00.009-04:00

Two sandwiches, neither alike in dignity,
In fair Soho, where we lay our scene,
From ancient hunger break to new mutiny,
Where syrupy pancake makes civil hands unclean.
A pair of star-cross'd breakfast sandwiches ruin my life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their mixup bury my tummy's strife.
The fearful passage of my unsatisfied bacon-love,
And the continuance of my taste's desire and rage,
Which, but a baconeggandcheese biscuit, nought could remove,
Is now the thirty minutes it took to write this stage;
The which if you with patient eyes attend,
What here shall miss, my toil shall strive to mend.

__________________
* Fun Fact: "Tragedy" comes from the Classical Greek word meaning "song for the goat." True story.

A Letter

2008-08-12T11:11:00.003-04:00

Dear MTA Subway People:

My apartment is now on the A and C lines, which I think have the largest cars in the system, but also they are probably the oldest. It's not a big deal, but after becoming used to the 123456 where I used to live, the ACE just isn't up to par. It doesn't smell any worse, but sometimes the lighting is yellowish and makes me feel dirty.

Anyway, after watching Mama Mia last night at 34th Street (it's like they were trying to make a terrible movie), I was surprised to catch a very clean and nice A train home, except that around 59th street it started going one mile an hour.

That.

Is.

Sort.

Of.

Like.

Going.

Like.

This.

And.

You.

Want.

To.

Die.

So dear subway people, WTF was going on with the express line because I do think that five local trains passed us in the meantime. And while you do earn points for putting me in a surprisingly decent A car, honestly, I would rather sit in a tunnel for five minutes and then move quickly than move very slowly for those five mintues, all other things being equal.

Sincerely,
Johnny

Email and Response

2008-08-11T14:47:00.004-04:00

From: [Redacted]
p.s. i hope that you are happy. Last night was a disaster. D-I-saster. I needed you for several reasons. 1. to run interference. 2. to make me go home and go to bed early. and 3. to remind me to go home alone and that the sex last time with Will was bad and that it wasn't worth it. You weren't there to do any of those.

now you may be thinking to yourself...[redacted], you fool, you should be able to make these decisions and actions by yourself . But you would be wrong. I cannot, especially not when I have alcohol in my system. Anyway, thanks for nothing, I hope that you don't have an orgasm for the next three months!

kthanksbye!

p.p.s. I totally have a date with my hot gym boyfriend this week! yay!
p.p.p.s. you still owe me the week of [redacted] because this week was piss poor!

Response:
this is my new favorite email. there is just so much. i just. i just dont know where to start.

Reading

2008-08-11T10:01:00.001-04:00

Why do we capitalize the word “I”? There’s no grammatical reason for doing so, and oddly enough, the majuscule “I” appears only in English.

Consider other languages: some, like Hebrew, Arabic and Devanagari-Hindi, have no capitalized letters, and others, like Japanese, make it possible to drop pronouns altogether. The supposedly snobbish French leave all personal pronouns in the unassuming lowercase, and Germans respectfully capitalize the formal form of “you” and even, occasionally, the informal form of “you,” but would never capitalize “I.” Yet in English, the solitary “I” towers above “he,” “she,” “it” and the royal “we.” Even a gathering that includes God might not be addressed with a capitalized “you.”

Facebook, Ik Ben Geen Nederlands

2008-08-07T12:11:00.006-04:00

Facebook, for reasons completely beyond my understanding, has decided I am Dutch and is presenting me with Dutch-related advertising, some of which is actually in Dutch.

Some examples:

Met een mooie blender kun je heel snel lekkere proteïne shakes maken om je spieren te helpen groeien.
Gratis rapport hoe je negatieve gevoelens stopt en vervangt door een krachtig gevoel van rust, ontspanning en zelfvertrouwen.

and my personal favorite:

Vinoo helpt je bij het zoeken naar de lekkerste wijn. Vind wijn, beoordeel wijn en ontvang persoonlijke aanbevelingen.

That last one was hilarious, no? I love to vind wijn en ontvank aanbevelingen.* Woo Vinoo Wijncommunity!

Does anyone know how this happens? I have some Dutch friends, yes, and yeah ok I could maybe pass as Dutch if you squint, but seriously. Oh, here's two other good ones - in English no less:

Shop like a New Yorker and save. We' ll forward your items to the Netherlands!
The ten most dangerous mistakes you probably make with women and what to do about it.

Probably the biggest thing on that last one is sleeping with men instead.

___________________
* Actually, I do. Mmmmm wijn.

Thinking

2008-08-07T09:28:00.002-04:00

That anyone who can talk to me for two hours on a subject as random as "Charles Lindbergh" has piqued my interest considerably.

Serial Dating is Good for My Complexion

2008-08-05T11:44:00.009-04:00

Tonight I have a second date with a boy named Kyle, who makes me feel gooey inside with the weak knees and such. He's painfully handsome, tall, good hair, and has the abs of Adonis. Also quite smart: went to Harvard at 16 or something.

This would be a good time to tell you more about my dating process.

First of all, I date a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Friends and not friends have commented on how this makes me kind of a whore, which would be true except I don't actually sleep with people very often. More like very rarely. I'm very picky about who gets access to the goods, you know. This is an anomaly in New York, especially amongst the gays. They are always surprised when I don't take off my pants.

Most of my dates are actually found online, which is becoming less and less of a thing. Every now and then I meet people out at bars or clubs, and once in a while I actually have people say hello in stores or on the street, but I personally prefer online now because I get to know the guy a little before I agree to meet him. It makes the likelihood of the date being a success higher.

Anyway, so yeah, I have a number of first dates, typically two or three a week, but maybe only one in five makes it to a second, and Kyle is one of them. Probably 75% of second dates make it to a third: the first date is really key - I'm all about first impressions, and typically know within 10 minutes of meeting someone how things are going to go.

Justin says that I fall hard for someone for two weeks and then get over it and forget about them, and I can see how he would think that given how common that has been while I've been in New York. But I think that was more to do with external factors than the boys themselves. After all, I was quite happy with Blair until I forgot that I was happy with him.

I don't play games and I'm pretty direct, which so far hasn't noticeably put anyone off. I ask all the hard questions on a first date, including the taboo inquiry about when was your last relationship and what happened to it. And if I like someone, I do the flirting thing, but I also say it point blank, just to be clear.

Anyway, I don't want to jinx Kyle, so I'll leave off talking about him for a bit. But he already knows I have a crush on him. Because I told him so. He's kind of a dreamboat.

Thinking

2008-08-04T16:20:00.003-04:00

That I don't care what you say: coconut and coffee should never be combined, least of all in ice-cream form.

Disney Has Lost Its Fucking Mind

2008-08-04T11:23:00.004-04:00

So Disney has created its first black princess, which p.s. about damn time, even though the story is set in New Orleans, so I don't really know how they make her into an actual princess, per se. But whatever, her name is Tiana and it's set in the '20s. The trailer is god-awful and apparently there is some kind of crazyass toothless firefly narrator.

May as Well be Crack

2008-08-04T10:53:00.007-04:00

So I'm basically all settled into the new place and will take pictures this week for you. I had my first boy stay over Saturday, and he was impressed, so I take that as a good sign.

I'm going a little crazy because I haven't had cable or internet installed yet, so I've been having to use my phone for internet purposes. It's not a big deal - it works perfectly fine - but it there are just subtile things that make it annoying. Like how pictures display really small, and some interfaces are awkward on a phone, and java doesn't run, and AIM and MS Messenger forget all of the people I've blocked, and they magically decide to start talking to me all at once. You're blocked for a reason, kids. You're either annoying or pyscho or boring, and one of you in particular is all of those things and also mildly racist.

Anyway, so hopefully the internet will be installed this week and I can go back to pretending I never made the mistake of knowing some people in the first place.

Much Less Cool Than It Sounds

2008-07-29T16:36:00.004-04:00

So, it turns out that having people shoot a movie in your apartment from 6 am to 9 pm is actually not all that fun. Who knew? Apologies for the bad lighting and the fuzziness:

Some movie crap in the living room.
The kitchen is inaccessible as there is a large freaking camera in the way.

TJ's bedroom. You can't even tell what the hell all this stuff is.

Where the director sits, with his screen and headphones and such.
Among the furniture they brought in for props was a small chest of drawers they stuffed with old clothes. Of course, I rifled through and found this:

Yes, that would be a giant vibrator. The package was open so of course I touched it, and yes, it was totally greasy with lube and possibly vag juices.
Afterword, I cut off my hand.
Actually, I don't much care that they are filming, as I've had things to do in the evenings, but with all of the moving and the putting together of furnishings and the lack of sleep, I have managed to catch a summer cold and have basically sneezed out my own body weight in mucus today. I hate summer colds: they ruin everything.

I've already had to cancel my date tonight; instead Kelly and I are going for drinks (though I will be ordering Shirley Temples) until I can go home.

Apartamento

2008-07-28T10:27:00.007-04:00

Kelly and I rented a Zipcar for Sunday and spent literally all day moving into my new pad. And then I spent most of the night assembling my awesometastic Ikea furniture, which really I absolutely love. Once the room is clean this week I will be posting pictures.

I got to sleep around 2 this morning, only to be awakened by the film crew arriving to shoot this movie, which apparently does not have Heather Graham in it. Boo.

Anyway, this is the apartment I first lived in when I moved to New York, and I really forgot what a great place it is. The floors are beautiful, the kitchen is new and has stainless appliances (including a dishwasher, natch), the bathroom is clean and granite, and oh, I would totally buy this place if it were for sale and I were a millionaire.

Moving is one of the most horrible things most people must do in life, up there with cleaning the grout in the shower and loving someone who doesn't love you back, and in New York all three of those things are exponentially more sucky. The elevator broke down in my old place, so my old apartment was suddenly converted to a six-floor walk-up about an hour into the move. So basically I have the shapley calves of Sharon Marvel now.

NB: Gross. The heels just put it over the edge.
Also, I should note that after a year in New York and about nine months of that on an air mattress, I actually have a wonderful queen-sized bed and comfy mattress. I slept like a baby last night, but am unsure if that was because of the bed or because my body was ready to release my spirit to the Great Hereafter.

And the Awesomeness Continues

2008-07-26T15:19:00.004-04:00

In my new apartment right now they are painting the walls sky blue because they are shooting a movie. A movie with Heather Graham in it.

I don't know what the movie is, something about a plot around three couples or whatever, but hey, look: they are shooting a movie in my apartment tomorrow. How awesome is that?

How to Charm Me

2008-07-26T15:14:00.003-04:00

Ask me if my eyes are blue or green because you can't tell and then pronounce them "iridescent."

Ikea is the Kea to My Heart

2008-07-25T12:40:00.005-04:00

Like all White People, I love Ikea. Ikea is like a foreign Target with a heavier emphasis on furniture and products that are impossible to pronounce.

Today I am going to the new New York Ikea, which is geographically-disabled, as it is in Brooklyn. But such is my whiteness, this afternoon I am going with my new roommate Kareem (who is not a honkey), and we are going to spend shitloads of money on moderately stylish yet poorly made furniture. And possibly fake orchids and paper lamps and other things that only capitalism could produce because WHO CARES if you don't need the LYCKSELE LÖVÅS in BÅLSTA MULTICOLOR, they only cost seven dollars for Christ's sake, so buy five.

Where's Waldo?

2008-07-24T14:17:00.004-04:00

Ich Bin Ein Awesome Black Guy

Thank You for Being a Friend

2008-07-24T11:43:00.004-04:00

I know I'm a little late to the cryfest, but given the number of times I have referenced or linked to snippets of The Golden Girls, I just had to say how sad I was to hear that Sophia died recently.

She was my fave. Did you also know she was the youngest person on that show? Not kidding, she was born in 1923. Bea Arthur, her daughter on the show, and Betty were both born in 1922. Ruth (whatever her name is in real life) was born in 1934.

Monthly Cameraphone Pictures

2008-07-24T10:50:00.009-04:00

It's been a very busy summer so far, and I need to catch up on a number of things with you guys, like my new apartment, search for a puppy, and how the lovelife is going or not going, depending on the day.

Anyway, here are this month's token pictures I've pulled off the phone along with some vignettes about June.

Kelly and I went to stay with her aunt and uncle at their beach house in Maine early on in the month. Across the street was a little Catholic chapel (their house was once the parsonage), and on our way to the boardwalk one morning, we passed this young bride about to go in and get hitched. The chapel itself is only open in the summers for the tourists and summer people, since apparently no Maine natives are Catholic. They are actually all secret Wiccans.

Also during this trip, we went to a little amusement park near the boardwalk and rode on this deathtrap of a ferris wheel that was literally held together with spit and the will of God. Just looking at it was enough to give one lockjaw. But they had fried dough, so what the hey.

Our company picnic t-shirt this year was that god-awful neon green thing you see around Diana's shoulders there. Also, I won a $50 gift card to Barnes & Noble in the raffle. Smileyface.

I went to a conference at the end of the month and James Frey was one of the speakers, but he didn't show. I think this is because his new book had just been ripped a new one by just about every literary review. It is, as the NYT put it, "stupefying" and the stabs at prose "are supposed to have an ironic, ominous quality that haunts and complicates the imagined stories. Instead they remind us, repeatedly and naggingly, of the thinness of Frey’s inventions, which rival them for arid tedium, proving that this stranger to the truth is also, at least for the moment, a stranger to fiction."
Ouch.

Also, the conference was in Anaheim, so we escaped for a day and hit up Disneyland. (I was actually staying in a Disneyland Hotel for the conference and had breakfast of Mickey-shaped waffles and got a hug from Lilo. Not kidding.) Anyway, this is from the Jungle Ride.
It looks like your mom.

Come on Kids, You Know the Tune

2008-07-23T12:28:00.003-04:00

I love entropy
I love to go exploring
I love empathy
I love wooden flooring
I love the whole world
And all its mysteries

Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada

I love histories
I love a well-told story
I love pastries
And kisses in the morning
I love the whole world
(Some parts more than others)

Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada

I love playing games
I love the falling snow
I love changing lanes
And watching children grow
I love the whole world
And all the days that bring me joy

Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada

Thinking

2008-07-23T09:40:00.001-04:00

That sometimes sunglasses are less about shielding my eyes from the sun than they are about shielding other people from my eyes.

Reading

2008-06-09T09:40:00.003-04:00

Much will depend on your attitude. Don't let negative thinking ruin your descent. If you find yourself dwelling morbidly on your discouraging starting point of seven miles up, think of this: Thirty feet is the cutoff for fatality in a fall. That is, most who fall from thirty feet or higher die. Thirty feet! It's nothing! Pity the poor sod who falls from such a "height." What kind of planning time does he have?

I Have Secretly Always Wanted to Be an Astronaut

2008-06-09T09:25:00.002-04:00

Earth, through a telescope on Mars

A Short Rant as I Listen to Tonight's Speeches

2008-06-03T22:27:00.001-04:00

Has Hillary Clinton ever said anything nice about Barack Obama ever?

She may be a great senator and policy whiz and whatever, but my God, what a bitch.

More Random Cellphone Photos

2008-06-03T14:49:00.005-04:00

I take lots of pictures with my cameraphone, mostly because my actual camera is kinda bulky and annoying to carry around. The camera on my Ocean is pretty decent, but even after I take the photos, I rarely move them off the camera. Because of the lazy. So, here's an idea: a monthly roundup of photos, let's say between five and seven, of the last month. So not everything, but some snapshots of life in New York.

Some of these are older than the last month, since I have a backlog, so we'll start that in July.

This is from a trip Kelly and I took to the Natural History Museum. I like the dinosaurs.

We also learned about Afican mammals.

I like the Natural History Museum because it is permanently set in the 1960s, when people still honestly believed that dioramas could educate people.

It was one of the first very warm days when I took this in Central Park. Blair and I broke up about two hours later on a bench.

I take lots of photos of this tree, which is by the pond and boathouse near my apartment. I like to see how it changes with the seasons. This is early spring; you can see all the pollen. In the autumn, its leaves are blood red.

My friend Amy comes to visit from school in Princeton every now and then. This was Mother's Day, and we are in the Conservatory Garden in Central Park. Later, we walked all the way down to Midtown and had burgers the Burger Joint.

The Fruit/Flower Anniversary

2008-06-03T11:41:00.001-04:00

Today is the fourth anniversary of my first date with Daniel, which I've written about many times here, and I'm sure you're all familiar with enough of the story that we can safely let it be. It is sufficient to say that there was mutual instant attraction and it produced a very interesting four years, but without any taudry sex tapes to show for it. Sadface.

Many friends have told me that I tend to fall hard and quickly; one said I went faster from "zero to 60" than anyone she knew. Which I suppose is true. I don't fall for people often, but when I do, it is usually serious and often disasterous. When it has been disasterous, the other person involved tends to make the case that moving so fast precipitated it. The last disaster insisted that I had severe emotional issues and an abandonment complex. I don't necessarily agree with him, but I can see how he could make the case, I suppose. Maybe he was just angry.

Anyway, I did fall particularly hard for Daniel, so much so that I haven't quite ever been able to pick myself back up and walk away from him. And there have been times, yes, when I really have wanted to, for any number of reasons, and I know the same has been true for him. I think the impact we had on each other, though, is so deep that we've pretty much given up trying not to be together when it just feels better when we are.

So yes, sometimes we make each other miserable. But sometimes we are miserable without each other also. And having tried both, I frankly much more prefer to be miserable with Daniel than miserable without him. And I prefer to be happy with him than happy without him, too. :)

Happy Four Years of Knowing Me, Danito.

If I Knew What a Heart Attack Felt Like, I Would Compare It to That

2008-06-03T10:04:00.004-04:00

Hi there! Let me tell you all about the panic attack that has been going on for about, oh, two days. This morning, it had reached a point where I honestly felt like I was going to die, like the simplist task (in this case, answering the phone) was so overwhelmingly packed with negative energy that I couldn't move.

I did move, and the caller was my boss, to whom I had to admit over the course of our conversation that I had "been a little stressed lately" and then I almost lost it and had to say, not kidding, "Can we just talk on Friday? I feel like there is a lot to do and I really don't have anything substantive to talk to you about, but I think we should check in on Friday." I literally only speak to my boss once every two weeks on the phone (he is based in Germany), so this was a big deal, but he is actually a very nice man and agreed to a Friday meeting. (Also, props to me for using the word "substantive" in everyday conversation.)

The hell? I have never had a panic attack, and this one has been coming in cycles since Sunday evening, and it's doing a number on my back and shoulders and also my brain feels like it is coated in butterscotch. Or something.

Ugh.

Watching

2008-05-29T10:07:00.002-04:00

I promise, I will actually do some posts soon. V. busy.

I'm Pretty Sure It's How You're Born

2008-05-28T09:25:00.002-04:00

I kinda knew I was a little different by kindergarten because of just how much I liked He-Man. It wasn't that I fantasized about him, don't be absurd: I wanted to be He-Man. He-Man was fucking hot.

In the ever-growing lineup of "outed" classic superheroes, He-Man might be the easiest target of all. It's almost too easy: Prince Adam, He-Man's alter ego, is a ripped Nordic pageboy with blinding teeth and sharply waxed eyebrows who spends lazy afternoons pampering his timid pet cat; he wears lavender stretch pants, furry purple Ugg boots, and a sleeveless pink blouse that clings like saran wrap to his pecs. To become He-Man, Adam harnesses what he calls "fabulous secret powers": His clothes fall off, his voice drops a full octave, his skin turns from vanilla to nut brown, his giant sword starts gushing energy, and he adopts a name so absurdly masculine it's redundant. Next, he typically runs around seizing space-wands with glowing knobs and fabulously straddling giant rockets. He hangs out with people called Fisto and Ram Man, and they all exchange wink-wink nudge-nudge dialogue: "I'd like to hear more about this hooded seed-man of yours!" "I feel the bony finger of Skeletor!" "Your assistance is required on Snake Mountain!" Once you start thinking along these lines, it's impossible to stop.

Reading

2008-05-27T11:53:00.005-04:00

At the very moment that humans discovered the scale of the universe and found that their most unconstrained fancies were in fact dwarfed by the true dimensions of even the Milky Way Galaxy, they took steps that ensured that their descendants would be unable to see the stars at all. For a million years humans had grown up with a personal daily knowledge of the vault of heaven. In the last few thousand years they began building and emigrating to the cities. In the last few decades, a major fraction of the human population had abandoned a rustic way of life. As technology developed and the cities were polluted, the nights became starless. New generations grew to maturity wholly ignorant of the sky that had transfixed their ancestors and had stimulated the modern age of science and technology. Without even noticing, just as astronomy entered a golden age most people cut themselves off from the sky, a cosmic isolationism that only ended with the dawn of space exploration.

Milky Way, over the desert

Reading

2008-05-20T12:08:00.001-04:00

Please call my mom. When one juror failed to show up for service, deputies called his house and his mother answered. She told the court that she didn't know where her son was and that he hadn't been "right" since he was shot in the head a while back. The judge and attorneys agreed to let him off the hook.

The Most Awesome Thing for Today

2008-05-19T11:51:00.002-04:00

If you press E1 on the vending machine in the breakroom, you get E1 (peanut M&M's) and E0 (Tropical Starburst). The two things used to hold chips or something and so they both had to revolve. How long do you think it will take for them to notice that E0 and E1 always sell out the quickest (and also at the same time)?

Reading

2008-05-16T11:41:00.002-04:00

I remember, once, in the early '90s, standing in a crowded lobby at City Center Theater when Jackie Onassis walked in. Everyone looked at her and then immediately looked down. There was a whole mob of people staring at their shoes. When Jackie died, a few years later, I was happy to remember that scene. I was glad that we had been polite to her.

God, I Love Bacon

2008-05-14T13:41:00.003-04:00

[link]

How to Charm Me

2008-05-08T14:25:00.001-04:00

Stare at my ass without being creepy about it.

Stimulate This, Fothermucker

2008-05-07T14:36:00.005-04:00

My Economic Stimulus Check was direct-deposited today, and I put it straight into savings and will use the extra money to finish off payments on my computer, which will do nothing to Stimulate the Economy. Suck it, George.

Speaking of spending, though, have you noticed the rising cost of food? I talked to my roommate about it, and she seemed completely oblivious to the fact that no, milk shouldn't cost $4.50 a gallon and $2.99/lb. grapes are not in-season prices. "I thought I always paid $3.50 for a loaf of bread." I shouldn't be surprised, maybe - she is still on her family's cell phone plan.

I do shop at Whole Foods, however, which is perhaps more expensive for some things, though not all, I think. (Example: the store-brand OJ is like $3.29, which is less than Tropicana, which I think was something outrageous like $4.79.)

Anyway, I always buy fruit for the week, and I don't normally look at prices - I just get what I feel like eating that week. Until last week, when I spent over ten dollars on six pears. And then yesterday I bought oranges for close to $1.25 each. The hell? When you walk out of a grocery store with one bag of groceries that cost you $60 (and does not include non-food items), something is not right.

I haven't seen much increase in grain products like bread or crackers or anything like that at WF, though I suspect it is because the company is shaving the profit margin to hold the price steady at what is already a slightly higher level than your average Kroger's. Plus I buy Liberal Elite bread with twelve grains, only four of which I can name. Just looking at it would probably send Felecia, the west-coast glutard, into shock.

I am doing very well with the bring-lunch-to-work scheme lately, but if it starts getting near to the point that it is just as expensive to bring food from home as it is to get a burrito down the street, guess who's going to win that battle?

Even the Dull and Ignorant, They Too Have Their Stories

2008-05-07T10:38:00.003-04:00

Is it weird that I keep getting hit on by 18-year-olds? I'd say about 60% of the people who hit on me are too young to drink. And I definitely do not look that young. The first thing out of a collegue's mouth this morning was, "Wow, you look really tired, grandpa."

Well. She didn't say "grandpa," but I know what she meant.

I am actually a little sick, though it may just be allergies, I don't know, that are making me so lethargic. Secretly, though, I think I'm just burned out. I haven't taken a real vacation since last summer, if you count unemployment, which is why Paris is looking really good right now. Or Fiji.

Thinking

2008-05-06T16:06:00.002-04:00

That I will take a week off and go to Paris.

I Work in Soho and Cavort with Models and Celebrities

2008-05-06T09:51:00.005-04:00

Uma Thurman is outside my building right now, filming some movie scene in a car and looking uncomfortable. The parking signs on the street said it was for the "Motherhood Picture." So, look out world, Uma's making another comedy. Let's hope it's better than My Super Ex-Girlfriend.

Also, I was within six feet of her. Two cops on the set though, to probably ward off her stalker(s).

Something Sad

2008-05-05T09:58:00.004-04:00

So the 134th Kentucky Derby was Saturday; I hope you all had a mint julip, proper-like, in the pewter cup and such.

I didn't watch, but there was a sad bit of news. The only filly in the race (that means girl-horse) finished second (much like what will happen in the Democratic primary) but then broke down after the finish line, breaking both her front ankles, and was then euthenized while still on the track (much like what will happen in the Democratic primary) (ha?).

Fine, Fine, Fine updated

2008-05-02T09:40:00.013-04:00

Yes, yes, I'm a horrible person and haven't updated in forever. I get it. I've been busy. Mostly.

I'm not sure where to begin here, so we'll just do things as they come to me.

Single Again
I broke up with Beebs. It was pretty much amicable, which was a blessing considering what a jerk I was in the week leading up to it. Things hadn't been going spectacularly for a while. I thought he was too young and immature, and he thought I was too good of a person, which for some reason I always have a terrible urge to counter.

This was all resolvable, however, until Daniel came to visit, which is like saying all is well and good at the party until I started taking those Jager shots and took my pants off. I'll speak to the whole Daniel thing later, but it is sufficient to say that it was awkward and then degenerated into all kinds of drama. He wasn't the reason we broke up, but I daresay he was a catalyst.

We all went out together on Saturday evening - me, Daniel, Beebs, and TJ (who was along "for the show"), and everything was going well, actually, until Beebs got drunk and belligerent, as he was wont to do, and said something to Daniel that brought out his natural competitiveness, and somehow Beebs wandered off and perhaps we left him in Hell's Kitchen drunk on a corner, something one should not do to a boyfriend or a child, which is what he was and was acting like at the time.

It's all a little hazy, and mostly my fault for how things turned out, but we basically didn't speak for the rest of the week, and since we both had a pretty nice time sans each other, it just made sense to end it the next Saturday. He'll be fine, if he's not already. I am also. No biggie.

Speaking of Daniel
I've come to the realization that I will in all likelihood not end up with anyone else. I'm stuck to him like gum in hair, and neither of us seems very interested in changing that. We still speak every day, and if you can do that with someone after what we put each other through in the last 18 months, there is obviously something there or alternatively, we are obviously deeply defective in some way, but in such a way that we work better in the company of the other. Or it could be both of those things, maybe.

Tomorrow is exactly one year since I left him in Guatemala. It is also the 47th monthiversary of our first date.

I've been on a few new dates here and even met a few handsome young fellas, but no magic, sorry, it's all in Central America apparently.

Update:
I got a few emails to the effect of "do you still love Daniel, omg, blah blah," which yes, I thought that was quite clear that I still love Daniel, I mean, come on, I've ~~basically~~ completely picked him over every other person with whom I've come into contact. Do I have to spell it out for you people? Yes, looooooooooove. So yeah, we both date, but I am about 96.3% sure that I will eventually move back to Guatemala, and that 3.7% is the part where I am not sure if he is sure about that. As for me, I am 100% sure it's something I want. Just not yet.

Remembrances of Things Past
I have recently come to realize that I am Butters from South Park. Seriously, this was me as a child. I am totally Butters.

Adventures in Dentistry
Remember back in the day when I needed a root canal? Well that got taken care of in Guatemala, with very nice results for a fraction - a tiny fraction - of the cost. Now that I am working again and have dental insurance, I decided to take advantage of it. I found a dentist through my insurance website and checked him out on the dental rating boards and made an appointment a couple of weeks ago.

Dentists always comment on how nice my teeth are, which, yes, thank you, my mother wouldn't let me have a soda until I was 12 (not kidding at all), so you can thank her for that, and I also am a compulsive brusher. I only have two fillings in my entire mouth, and granted one of them is acutally a root canal and the tooth is now completely fake, but whatever, I have a very pretty smile.

The Drunken Grin, circa 2005
The dentist informed me in a very stern voice that I had five cavities and that this was probably due to the changes in my diet and also from living in a country that doesn't fluoridate its water. This, by the way, is why you shouldn't drink so much bottled water - no fluoride. (Brita does not remove fluoride: I checked, so that's ok.)

Anyway, they were all in between my teeth, which of course they are because flossing is for sissy elitist communist pinkos. I am actually most of those things, however, so I really have no excuse for not flossing. Be Ye Not So Stupid.

Yesterday I had three of the fillings done, which was a delightful experience full of rainbows and ponies.

I want to note however, that this dental insurance is the most amazo dental insurance ever in the world. My exam co-pay was zero dollars. All five fillings will cost me less than two hundred and I got a free toothbrush and floss out of it. (I picked pink.) Awesome.

Whistle While You Work
I recently received a promotion of sorts, and my new responsibilities start this month. I had to go through the interview process and everything, and I'll get to travel a bit more and work a little harder and be a little more dead inside (possibly). No word yet on what the additional compensation looks like or if, indeed, it will be worth it.

As part of the new job, I will get to go to a Big Conference in Anaheim this summer, which I fully intend to extend so I can go to DisneyLand. Alone if I have to, I don't care, I want to live in a Disney Theme Park, I don't care if they are Rotting Our Children's Brains and Also Their Souls. Consider me fine with Mickey Mouse eating out my heart if it means animatronic Abraham Lincoln and flying with Dumbo and Space Mountain and pictures with Cinderella. I am A-OK with that. I've been to DisneyWorld a few times, but never made it to the Land, so this will be a good comparison.

Also my mommy will happen be at this conference in her professional capacity, but I would rather go with you because she walks slowly, so if you want to come to DisneyLand with me in late June/early July, let me know.

Speaking of work, a good friend of mine (his last name is still my banking password for the "BFF's last name" question) quit his job and is travelling around the country touring civil war battlefields. Hey, some people quit and move to Guatemala; others are interested in 19th century carnage. Everybody should do something crazy now and then: it corrects a sometimes lopsided priority list. Want to learn Chinese? Quit and move to China! I hear they love English there.

Woo Fiscal Responsibility!
You will be happy to know that in the four months since I started a brokerage account online, I have earned a 10% return, which I am told is amazo. I only put in about $300, so this is actually only $30, but still. Am Amazo.

If you are thinking of getting into stocks for fun or profit (it's like gambling! but legal!), I use ShareBuilder, which is owned by ING, my favorite bank. There is no minimum investment, and trades are four bucks.* It's very user-friendly. And, bonus, if you give me your email and I send you an invite through the site, I get some free trades and you get an extra $25 added to your account, which is like 6 free trades and a buck to grow on. Free money, yo.

Also, yesterday I bought a CD for the first time ever, which is fancy-speak for untouchable savings account. The Fed keeps slashing rates (they are really low), but I am now addicted to saving money (it's like buying stuff, except you keep the money), and I got a better rate with the CD, so there you go.

And That, as They Say, is That
I do have lots of little things to talk about but the harder I try to remember them, the less I do. It's like squeezing sand in your hand - too tight and it all escapes. So that will have to do for now. I'll try to get back to daily things next week. Happy Friday!

__________
*This means, of course, that you need to earn $8 on a stock to break even when selling. Obv. this is easier when you invest a larger sum of money.

Oh, There is So Much to Tell You

2008-04-16T11:38:00.002-04:00

But for now, just know that I have a huge, gigantic crush on Michelle Obama. Can she be first lady no matter what?

Thinking

2008-04-04T08:57:00.002-04:00

Sometimes a woman can wear so much lip gloss that it just looks like she is drooling. Take note.

I Should Come to Work Early More Often

2008-04-04T08:53:00.002-04:00

Today on the subway was a man who had to have been at least seven feet tall, and no joke, he was wearing a maroon leather suit, and yes you read that correctly. As in maroon leather pants, maroon leather jacket, maroon leather tie, and a maroon leather hat. It was strikingly awesome.

Reading

2008-03-27T14:08:00.000-04:00

wut up Romeo, its ur boy the friar. gave ur girl sum shit, not dead. mayb u could giv it 2 her in her sleep tho lol. brunch tomoro? txt me back

Reading

2008-03-24T15:21:00.003-04:00

Great Motivational Posters

Thinking

2008-03-24T10:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes when I see an Aldo bag, I mistakenly read it as "Alpo," and I think to myself, "Wow, dog food sure does have fancy bags these days."

The Boyfriend This Morning

2008-03-21T11:56:00.001-04:00

Series: Featured Subway Ride

2008-03-21T11:06:00.003-04:00

Type of trip: going to the bf's for sleepytime

Line: R (mistakenly boarded thinking it was an N or W)

Stops: 59th Street/Lexington Av, Northern Blvd, 36th St

Time: 9 pm, for about an hour

Car location: near front

Crowd: empty, except for a drunk beefy Russian bleeding profusely from wounds on his head and face

Smell(s): drunk beefy Russian bleeding profusely from wounds on his head and face

Seat: yes

Hottie(s): no

If yes, how many? N/A
If yes, flirtation? N/A

Annoying people: yes

If yes, how many? 1
If yes, reason for transgression? "Hey, do you speak English? Is this train going to Manhattan or Jamaica? Oh no, I need other direction! Lemme just sit next to ya here. Hey can I ask you something? Are you a gay? You don't sound like a gay. But you are good looking. So I am thinking that you are a gay. All of the good-looking people in New York are gays. What, so if I pretend like my hand is a pussy and put it here on your cock, it does nothing for you? Like this? What if I move it up and down like it is a pussy bouncing on your cock? OK, I stop now. In my village, we beat up the gays maybe once a year in a parade. But you don't sound like a gay, so I respect you. I respect you even though you are a gay. No, I don't need to go to the hospital. Does it look real bad? I have had worse. These 15 n***ers came and beat me up, but I took down maybe three or four of them, but they got me, those cocksuckers. You like that, right? No, I don't need a hospital, I am ok. Why you move to other seat, you don't like to sit by me? Don't worry, I won't get any blood on you. I respect you. Yes, I will be OK."
If yes, method of death proscribed? AIDS. From buttsex.

Old people: no

If yes, how many? N/A
If yes, how many Bibles? N/A
If yes, how many knitting? N/A
If yes, how many in hats? N/A

Musicians: no

If yes, what kind? N/A
If yes, what costume? N/A

Addicts: no

If yes, what drug? N/A

Homeless: no

If yes, how many drunk? no
If yes, how many asking for money? N/A
If yes, how many making conversation with imaginary friend? N/A

And You're on Some Money, and So Are a Bunch of Other People, But I Never Have Any, So I Have No Idea on What Money You Actually Appear

2008-03-19T11:04:00.008-04:00

So I have this recurring dream in which Thomas Jefferson has inexplicably time-traveled from the 18th century and it is my job to acclimate him to modern times.

Don't ask for background, I have no idea how he got here or what the hell is going on, all I know is that when the dream starts, I have accepted this as my task and it no longer blows my mind. In fact, the novelty of showing Thomas Jefferson around town eventually gets really annoying, even though this is one of my favorite recurring dreams, along with the one in which I win the lottery (I always promise Jesus 10% if he helps out, which he never does) and another in which I am eternally youthful and have lived for all time, kinda like that new TV show about the detective who can't die; they totally jacked that from my subconscious.

Anyway, the story usually takes place in New York and begins shortly after I meet Thomas Jefferson. I don't know how we meet, but apparently I believe he is Thomas Jefferson at face value and for whatever reason we decide I am going to be his BFF. He is dressed all Thomas Jeffersonny and I believe he arrives in the present day shortly after he leaves the presidency because he knows all about things that happened before 1810, like the Louisiana Purchase and such, but is unfamiliar with the War of 1812, though he says he saw it coming. Sometimes he is younger, but usually not. He also has decent teeth, which is odd considering in real life, Thomas Jefferson lived before dentistry consisted of more than tooth-pulling. He also lived before deodorant, and this is one of the first things we rectify in the dream because he smells like horseshit.

So I take him home and make him shower, twice, and then dress him up in some clothes which he finds "slummish" because I don't give him a topcoat or hat, and we go for a walk in the city over to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to catch him up on some things (I figure his brain might explode at the MoMA), and then take him on the subway to various places in the city. Which reminds me that the subway system completely freaks the bejesus out of Thomas Jefferson. Remember that it wasn't even until 1842 that Queen Victoria (in her early 20s) took her first train trip and complained it was going too fast at 20 mph. (George III was king until 1820.) This brings me to a list:

Things that Freak the Hell out of Thomas Jefferson

Elevators: "Good God man! It's a moving room!"
Cars: "Miniature horses in it?"
Light switches: "How do you keep the flame from flickering?"
Television: "Look at the tiny people in the box!"
Indoor plumbing: "I make water where?"
Refrigerators: "WITCHCRAFT!"
Burritos: "It's so simple and yet I never thought of such a marvelous thing."
Modern dress on women: "She's practically naked!"
Skyscrapers: "Holy shit!"

This list numbers to pretty much infinity, and the dream sequence is mostly me convincing Thomas Jefferson that it is perfectly safe to eat food given to him by an Indian man and that his ears popping in the Emipre State Building elevator does not mean that his brain has exploded.

The story doesn't pick up where it left off the next time I have the dream, though, so every time I have it, we do a lot of the same things (elevators, subways, taxis), though sometimes I change it up and take him to the Statue of Liberty or to the Brooklyn Bridge. Sometimes he wants to see things from his time, which is much easier to do when the dream is in Boston. There's little to nothing left from his era left in New York: most of it burned in war or was eventually built over. But he likes the concept of underground cities, so I take him to Rockefeller, and he likes that.

Having never even seen a phonograph, MP3 players also scare the shit out of him.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2008-03-17T16:34:00.003-04:00

I'll catch up with you this week, promise.

Happy Hocks

2008-02-27T11:12:00.004-05:00

One of the very thoughtful gifts Beebs gave me yesterday was a golden Chinese kitty with a waving arm that wards off evil Chinese spirits. Possibly you have seen them in Chinese take-away places. Anyway, it is gold and sparkly and completely awesome, and the best part is probably the box:

I have no idea what it says in the thought bubble, but I imagine it is something along the lines of "Begone, Satan!"

Self-explanatory.
While I do know that a "hock" is part of the leg of an animal (I think it's the equivilent of an ankle), I'm not completely sure what a happity and/or happy hock is or why I would want it to be with me forever. However, Sparkly Golden Kitty evidently thinks that I need more happity and happy hocks, and as long as the AA battery is still juiced, that cat is going to wave them in my direction.

It's My Golden Birthday and My Boyfriend Sent Me Golden Flowers

2008-02-26T14:18:00.004-05:00

Also, he is golden.

Let It Snow Random Photos

2008-02-22T12:07:00.006-05:00

New York has been hit by a crazy snowstorm that left about five inches on the sidewalks by the time I left this morning. It's so bad that the HR department at work has ordered in pizza for the whole company, so we don't have to trudge through the snow for lunch. Probably they are worried about the health care costs if we all slipped and fell, but whatever: free pizza, yo.

It's a day for free food, apparently. This morning, the nice Starbucks Lady gave me a free slice of marble loaf with my hot chocolate because, and I quote, "[I'm] so damn cute." Hells yeah I am; thank you Starbucks Lady for noticing.

Also, on a random tangent, I took some photos off of my phone that I took over the last several months, and I wanted to share:

I live off of Central Park, and this is the part I walk through in the mornings to get to the subway. Obviously this is a couple months old.

The end of my street, circa last October.

Random picture of my cousin Katie, who I have not seen in nigh on 15 years. She looks just like her mother, who looks just like her mother, who is the grandmother we both not-so-secretly think is evil. (Ah, family.) This picture is dark because it was dark out.
Also, we are drunk.

Cows guarding the burger place in Milwaukee where they quite literally put butter on the burger. It is called a butter burger.

The ceiling in the art museum in Milwaukee. It is kind of awesome.

Adina in said art museum. She is also kind of awesome.

Introductions

2008-02-20T12:16:00.006-05:00

It should come as no surprise to many of you that I am sort of a little bit in love with Beebs, given that I have pretty much talked about him incessantly since we met, and it doesn't bother me much to share that with you.

It stuck me today that I haven't even properly introduced you to each other yet, so I jacked some photos from Facebook to show you. Hopefully this is ok: I haven't actually run it by anybody.

So! This is his profile picture, as good a place as any to start:

For even the dirtiest of mouths.

I think this one is a little old, but omg tell me that smile could not melt lead.

One of my favorites. Did I mention that we are Facebook boyfriends now? Because we are.
Anyway, so that is Beebs. You know how much I hate pictures of myself, but if and when we take some together, I'll be sure to add those too. If you come to my party next weekend, you may just be lucky enough to meet him and be jealous of me in person.

Thinking

2008-02-19T16:11:00.002-05:00

That I could totally run on the surface of water if I were just a wee bit faster.

He Looks More Like My Brother

2008-02-19T15:52:00.006-05:00

I've posted random pictures of my mother's side, and here is one from my father's. From left to right, it's my uncle (Mike), my grandfather (Fred), and my father (Tom) on the family plantation in Costa Rica where my dad grew up (he's about 15 in this picture). I'm Latin, didn't you know? Nobody ever believes me.

1963, Costa Rica

Lovesick

2008-02-19T12:29:00.004-05:00

After last week's adventure climaxed in my brain turning into mucus and free-flowing out of my various cranial orifices (awesome), I finally started feeling better Sunday evening.

Probably the worst day was Thursday, also Valentine's Day, which was very unfortunate because I'd been looking forward to it so much. Beebs was very kind and understanding and even pretended not to notice/care that I looked like death and couldn't breathe through my nose. And we all know that the secret to a working relationship is having to not notice/care about some things sometimes, like the fact that your boy's nose is red and chapped from blowing it all day or that his eyes are glassy or that he just passed out or whatever.

Anyway, the plan was a movie followed by a late dinner, but the theater was insane, so we just sat in Barnes and Noble and chatted until our reservation. I took him to Casa Mono, a sort-of tapas place in Union Square that was very good, though the wine was a bit acidic for my tastes.

Through all of this, by the way, I am barely holding on to life.

We had earlier exchanged gifts and professions of strong like, and I went with him back to his Queens apartment again and promptly fell asleep. Right after making out with him like a teenager.

I took Friday off and slept the entire day away. It was a mixed blessing that Beebs spent the weekend in DC. I could sleep, but it's not as fun alone. I did see him for a few hours yesterday, though, and though work is getting very busy for both of us, hopefully I will catch him this week sometime too.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T15:00:00.005-05:00

This morning on the subway an old man sat next to me and put a cassette in his walkman. The volume was way up and everybody was treated to Andrea Bocelli singing "Con Te, Partiro."

Being Sick Does Wonders for My Figure

2008-02-13T13:04:00.003-05:00

Winter finally decided to pay a visit on Sunday night with all of the decorum of an adolescent screaming "fuck you" to a new step-parent. Verily, the only plausible explanation as to why I am not dead in a box right now is that Jebus Himself has come down from on high and commanded my body to go to work, such is the chest cold currently inhabiting my frail form. Woe.

Monday night, after coughing up a lung and pieces of my cerebral cortex, I took some NyQuil and passed out about 9:30. When I say I woke up the next morning, I mean I only barely woke up in the morning, since it was somewhere in the 11:30 range. I sat up, sent some texts, and fell back asleep until about 7 when I had a glass of water, took more NyQuil, watched my boy Obama kick ass, and fell back asleep.

Not exactly the most productive day.

So I’m better, but not yet well, and I actually ate today, which is more than I can say for Monday or Tuesday (entire stomach contents: venti hot chocolate, assorted candy hearts). On the plus side, I fit into my skinny jeans again. On the minus, I'm still working on my gift for Valentine's Day, and I need to concentrate to finish it in time. Hard to do when you just want to be very, very still.