If Someone Asks If You are a God, You Say "YES"

So there is this bar in Hell's Kitchen called Vlada. Vlada has some kind of voodoo magic cloud hanging over it because every time I go to Vlada, there is some kind of crazyass drama. TJ thought I was crazy until I got him to go recently to witness how despite my best efforts and with all possible bases covered, crazyass drama still manages to show up at Vlada.

Vlada is like Dana's apartment in Ghostbusters:

Ray: Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central.
Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!
Egon: It's not the *girl*, Peter, it's the *building*.

It's true. It is the most drink-spillingest, crotch-grabbiest, inappropriate-bathroom-activity-having bar that is not a place in Chelsea called Splash. A sampling of previous insanity:

1. The coat check guy gives away Blair's favorite coat, he pitches a hissy, I have to threaten the manager while Blair cries outside, but I only manage to get the guy to give us cab fair home.
2. Daniel, Blair, TJ, and I go dancing; afterword, Blair wanders off and we leave him; this contributes directly to us breaking up a week later. It doesn't help that Daniel later calls him drunk and says something along the lines of "sorry I stole your boyfriend back." Classy. And ultimately incorrect.
3. Model Justin, who I went on a few dates with ages ago, accosts me to let me know that Dr. Justin allegedly made out with his ex-boyfriend and broke them up. Dr. Justin pitches a hissy for me even speaking to "crazy and stupid" Model Justin. The story ends up being false, but that doesn't stop Model Justin from telling everyone in the bar about it. Oh, also, he is carrying a huge purse and now TJ refers to him as "Ms. Thing" or "homegirl."
4. Justin's friend Nick basically has his hands down my pants when I run into Alex, the tri-athlete-competing, cello-playing, swim-team member who I am sort-of seeing, who never goes to Vlada in the first place and with whom I had a date the next day. Awkward.
5. I hit on the bartender hardcore, but feeling bad for us after he explains that his boyfriend wouldn't like it if we made out, he gives us free shots. That's not really dramatic, I just like the bartender.
6. And just this last weeked, Vlada was the site of the first time I've seen Blair since I dumped him in April, whereupon seeing me, he spun around and glided away like some kind of heiress socialite who just saw her best frienemy. A series of text messages climaxed with his terribly mature one, "ur a loser." Which I replied to with the equally lame "whatever blair" because "you're" is "you are" and "ur" is a sound trolls make and idiots type.

And those are just a few of the things that happened to me personally, not even beginning with the random things that happen to the rest of the posse. It has gotten to the point now that when I get home, the first thing TJ asks (if he was not a witness) is "So what happened at Vlada?"

Egon: I'm worried, Ray. All my readings point to something big on the horizon.
Winston: What do you mean, big?
Egon: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.
Winston: That's a big Twinkie.

I'm just saying. If the universe were to split open, Vlada would be on the fault line.